Psychologists suggest that facing adversity allows children to learn from it. Thus, they will be able to handle adversity in the future.  Said in a simpler way,  if you can conquer one bad situation, you have learned how to do it the next time something bad happens. So how do parents teach kids resilience?  Mona Delahooke, a Los Angeles clinical psychologist, explains that parents should bond with their children, communicate with them, and engage socially with them.

Psychologists use psychological words like “connecting” and “bonding.   None of us are psychologists though. What do psychologists mean when they say parents must connect and bond with their children?  Despite the big terms, the concept is easy.  children need to know that they are loved and that things are or will be fine. To do that parents must show love and have close physical contact with their children. This demonstration of love is called  bonding and connection.   That means hugs, showing reassuring looks and kisses. Basically, a parent,  can buffer  stress physically and emotionally for their children by reassuring them and  by giving their children affection. Touch and tenderness is very reassuring to children and  each is more important than any external problem the children are facing. Put another  way, if a child feels love then they can adjust to problems.

Communication between children and their parents is always important but  in times of crisis children can process stress by talking to their parents.  Thus, communication is even more important psychologists say. If you are calm, then your children will be calm.  While some children will talk directly about their fears, others do so  only indirectly.  Similarly, during  play some children will tell their parents what is on their mind and others will show  their parents what is on their mind through the themes of the games they want to play.  Pay attention to what their play says about what is on their minds. If they want to play doctor and they want you to be the patient so they can fix you, they might be worried about what if you get sick.   Once you understand what is on your child’s mind, then you can talk to them about it and reduce their fears.

Psychologists say, parents should “engage socially” with their kids as much as possible in a  crisis.  I am not sure why psychologists have to create new words for normal concepts, but it is clear that they think you should play with your children.  Children playing and having fun with parents and other family members relieves stress.

Play is always important but playing in a  novel way is what is needed according to Dr. Mona Delahooke, a noted clinical psychologist.   Novel playing means doing things you have never done before with  your children.

Parents  can  do many  different types of things that could be fun and novel for their kids .  One family, I know, has ben having family concerts a few nights per week. Each family member plays an instrument, sings, or performs in some way.  The family’s neighbors are delighted, and everyone enjoys, family members  and neighbors alike. Another family  decided to sing together. The mother taught  the children and her husband to sign her favorite song. The family’s  two little boys, aged  4 and 5,  started the song, one at a time, then all the others in the family joined in. The extended family was in lockdown in different homes, but this did not stop them. Practice sessions were held and finally they recorded the concert.  The family enjoyed the singing and then posted the concert on the internet so that other  people  could enjoy it too.   Remember doing small things can be fun for children too.  Making a fort out of pillows  in the dining room or living room, leaning to cook, or learning to play the guitar or playing anything that  is  different from the day to day life for the parents and kids.

One friend with a 3 and 7-year-old said how just playing with the kids and seeing things from their perspective was so enjoyable for him and the children. He normally worked a lot and only had the weekends to relax, recharge and play with the children.   He asked his children what they wanted to do during their confinement  due to Covid-19.  Each child  knew exactly what they wanted now that their dad was home for an extended period. So, they made a birdhouse, a huge wooden fort in the living room and a large cardboard castle. In addition, they went on nature walks daily to discover what animals were about in the woods and he taught the children  to have respect for animals. All new things for his children.

Obviously, novel play is different for each child and family. The bottom line is simple. When your child is  distracted from a problem, they can relax, learn to accept the problem (the elephant in the room) and decide how to handle it. I understand this need for time to learn to accept a problem, as I generally need two three days to adjust when in a new difficult situation. Playing in a novel  way will bring  fun for adults and children alike. Spending more family time together than normal, means more special little moments spent together.